shark, octopus, supermarket


Some things are just too awesome to make up.

Undoubtedly, if you’ve been around the internet lately, you’ve seen the trailer for Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus, a direct-to-video release whose plot largely begins and ends with the title.  Maybe there’s something to be said for that, though.  I like plots that are summarized by the title.  Gladiator, it turns out, was about a gladiator.  Killer Klowns From Outer Space, while obviously a cultural artifact that delivers a powerful message about the globalization process of capitalistic forces, dealt primarily with a small army of alien clowns who enjoyed killing people.  And I’ll be damned if Snakes on a Plane wasn’t in fact about an absurd amount of snakes slithering free on a commercial passenger plane.

Well, apparently hype has been adequate enough for the DTV release that “star” Deborah Gibson believes the door is open for a sequel.  According to the MTV Movies blog, Gibson revealed the following:

I haven’t seen the final edit, but we did do a version that leaves the door open for a potential sequel,” Gibson revealed. “Because God knows what else is in the ocean. I thought maybe a seahorse? Maybe a 500-foot lobster would be good. But yes, there is the potential for a sequel, and I would absolutely love it”

And really, how can you not get excited about that prospect?  But the problem remains that the studio has not yet greenlit a sequel, and after you finish changing you pants post-first installment, you’ll likely be staring down a lengthy wait until you can see the next big creature feature.

Unless, of course, the director of Highlander (which won the prestigious Ricky Bobby ‘Best Movie Ever’ award) decides to take a stab at his take on the shark genre.  Because Russell Mulcahy isn’t just content with sharks fighting octopuses.  No.  Mulcahy wants sharks to fight people.  In a supermarket.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Bait (not to be confused with the critically-acclaimed 2000 Jamie Foxx film of the same title) will take place in a coastal town, which is a convenient location for a freak tsunami to wash a gang of tiger sharks into a shopping center.  Apparently, an “armed maniac” is also in the mix.  No word on whether or not he’s played by Vin Diesel yet.

But that’s not all.  Get ready to cream yourself: the whole thing is in 3-D.  Because apparently the idea of wearing uncomfortable glasses for two hours is making a comeback.  Still, this only figures to enhance the film, which at this point could only be better with the casting of Michael Pena as a ruthless thug with a perm and the step up to 4-D, like those Disney World attractions where water jets spray the audience as coordinated with the on-screen action.  Presumably they’d find a way to work real-life sharks in as well, but for now, all we get are three dimensions of sharks chomping on soccer moms.

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