Tag Archives: movies

five films you’ll never want to see again.

That is, if you can even make it through them the first time (for some, I couldn’t.)

Some rules before I start listing them off: these had to be films I actually saw.  That rules out most Japanese gore-porn titles.  Why?  Because, while I’m sure I’ll never want to see them again, they just have no inherent cultural value to pique my interest in the first place.  You cannot tell me that ‘Men Behind the Sun’ has any redeeming value.  Which is not to say I’d ever censor it if when I run the world, but just that I’d never personally choose to watch something of that nature.  Second, they had to be films that – true to the title – I’ve never watched again.  In the interest of honesty and all.

It turns out that some of these are terrific films, films I would recommend to everyone if I thought anyone had the stomach for them.  But, on a good conscience, it’s just difficult to suggest something that might make someone hate you for quite a while, so I’m shaping this in the mold of a dare instead of a recommendation.

See the list after the jump.

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the results are in! 2009 junkies.

You’ve been waiting a week.  You haven’t slept.  You’ve constantly refreshed this blog, refusing to so much as vacate your bowels.  And now the moment is here.

But I’d suggest you finish reading the post before you poop.  2009 Junkies after the jumpie.  Haha.  So clever.

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oscar fail.

Seriously, Academy?

I know 2009 was, by in large, a bad year for movies.  But if the (newly-extended) Oscar nominations are any indication, it might have been the worst year for movies.

My thoughts after the pmuj.  Which, I’m told, is “jump” backwards.  Or in Swedish.  Maybe both.  Click it or piss off.

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nominees for the junkies.

(This is still one of my favorite pictures on the internet.)

Well, people, I’m stuck in a hotel room.  And were it not for wireless internet, I would be quite bored.  But thanks to technology, even hourly-rate motels that reek of amphetamines now boast wireless internet.

So in the spirit of Oscar season, I’m starting Junkfood’s own damn award ceremony.  What’s it called?  What else would it be called?  The Junkies.

(See what I did there?  Yeah?  Great.  We can move on now.)

Kinda missed the year-end cap, so I won’t speak to music or books or whatever.  But the movie season doesn’t really end until the Academy Awards roll around, so I can still submit my nominations for all things film-related.  Wanna see what they are?  Future tense the damn jump, sucka!

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the monthly movie plan.

Times are tough and the majority of theatrically-released films suck.  There, I just blew your mind.  Happy?

Okay, maybe I didn’t.  But to anyone out there who spent $15 to see Avatar, movies are “expensive!” (mom!)  Sometimes, when you’re a broke-ass college student who lives off a combination of student loans, scholarships and the profit margins of selling prescription drugs at twice their going rate to the emo skaters at the mall food court, you can’t afford to be wrong about a movie.  Case in point, Paul Blart surely set some family of four back a good $50 (when they could have seen ‘Observe and Report’ instead…Aziz Ansari wasn’t in Paul Blart!)

But to avoid such a setback in the 2010 calendar year, here’s Collin’s outlook for the next few months.  I’ll give you one movie to see for each month that I can pretty much guarantee will not be a waste of your money.  My track record is pretty clean.  Except all Dwayne Johnson flicks.

List/trailers after the jump.

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100 cheesiest movie quotes ever

photo credit to my favorite cheese, Gouda. with Red Wine all day

watch it. 100 cheesiest movie quotes of all time

there are so many hilarious ones that i have seen before and a lot of head-scratching ones

“it’s turkey time…gobble gobble”

my favorite one is the classic “meh meh meh this is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen. i don’t know if i can take it” from American Beauty that is oft spoofed and replayed on Turner Television. still like that movie though. kpax is that dude. pause. and bonus points for sandy cohen’s bushy eyebrows, peter gallagher once again reprising his recurring role as himself. see: terrible music projects, the OC, californication etc. etc.

this post went in an unforeseen direction


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