holy ungodly awful batman!

the “band” addison park, openening act for Mike Posner

[DISCLAIMER: friends of friends of friends may or may not be in the band. i’ve already twice without this knowledge given people my honest opinion about the group, so protected by the magical interweb i’m not going to sugarcoat it. i can see how some people may like this kind of music…i would judge these people obviously. i mean, i’m not going to lie i have some Daphne Loves Derby on the iPod, but i’m not going to book them to open up for Brother Ali]

that being italicized, it should also be noted that MJF contributor stuart bentley mcwhirter is a member of 2 (TWO) bands that are more listenable. the fresh boy all-stars and keeping tabs. and i’ve probably recorded better songs on the T-Pain iphone app that I don’t even remember than “Bay Area Blues”

onward

you have to go to their MySpace and watch their outrageous video for their “smash hit” “bay area blues.” i can not stress how badly you need to watch at least 30 seconds of this video montage, where they try to out-gay each other in order to join ATO fraternity

i’ve seen the gamut of awful openers, (Dave McMillan for the Roots at Depauw University comes to mind. almost had to see Howie Day open for the Roots at Clowes Hall, but he thankfully cancelled last second) but watching these Yellowcard devotees to slink across stage unabashedly hurt my soul last night. this group of dudes would give their Y chromosomes to tie Dashboard Confessional’s jockstrap loops. their sound indicates that they grew up masturbating underneath Something Corporate posters, simultaneously watching a special Sum41 MTV cribs episode recorded on VHS. i would rather have sat through the “in the arms of the angel” sarah mclaughlin/animal shelter commercial on 24 hour loop than hear/watch just one of their songs. though their look and sound produced tinges of nostalgia, because they made me feel as if i was watching the end of a 2004 episode of MTV’s Next, their performance was really so awful i don’t think the right combination of words exist.

this concert it was like an intimate look at auditions for a low budget Bar Mitzvah party, with each band trying to entertain the crowd long enough until the opener comes on (in last night’s case, a staggering 1:30 AM start time for the Duke student and Big Sean companion). addison park? you should be playing weeknight shows at the all-ages Rhino Club or at a rock climbing venue while barefoot longhairs caulk their hands and baley on

and to think they could have had dj benzi (who was in the house), hit play on itunes and spin one of his awesome mixtapes. and i really had no idea until tonight that the guy who has been essentially dj’ing all my friends’ pregame festivities looks like this. benzi went on at like 2:30 after Mike shut it down with his shirtless/acapella rendition of Beyonce’s “Halo” and the club was cleared due to all guys/girls wanting to dome up the Posner.

you’d think I’d be making this up but all this really happened.